1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

2. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

3. Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.

4. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it

5. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.

6. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

7. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

8. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

9. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

10. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.