Humour & Jokes

Library fun

Comments Off 04 February 2012

A library is a somewhat easy place to annoy the people sitting around you, here is a list of things u can do

Read out loud. Very loud. And slowly.

While pointing to a very simple word, like ‘the’, ask the person next to you if he/she can pronounce it for you

Put down you book, and look over and start reading the other persons book, and, either 1) say “Ooo. Nice book.” or 2) when he/she looks at you, quickly pick up your book and act like your reading it.

Read your book. Upside down

Read your book from right to left. And flip the pages the same way

Flip the page every two or so seconds.

Announce the page number each time you turn a page.

Spell every single word as you read it

Sneeze a lot.

Every few minutes, get up out of your chair, walk around the table, and sit back down

Stand up, and continue reading

Make a strange sound every few minutes, then act like you didnt

Humour & Jokes

Q and A

Comments Off 03 February 2012

Q. Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
A. Professional courtesy.

Q. What’s the definition of a lawyer?
A. A mouth with a life support system

Q. How can you tell a lawyer is lying?
A. Other lawyers look interested.

Q. What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.

Q. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?
A. You can negotiate with a terrorist

Q. If you drop a snake and an attorney off the Empire State Building, which one hits first?
A. Who cares?
Q. What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
A. You always hear about them, but you never see them.

Humour & Jokes

Final exam fun

Comments Off 02 February 2012

If you’re going to go down, go down with style. Failing your final exam can actually be an amusing experience, depending on what you make of it. Here are some suggestions…

Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, “I don’t understand ANY of this. I’ve been to every lecture all semester long! What’s the deal? And who the hell are you? Where’s the regular guy?”

If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor’s left nostril

On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative

Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

Do the entire exam in another language. If you don’t know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals

Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he’s not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you

Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out
interesting things

Play Frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room

Humour & Jokes

Funny sms

Comments Off 28 January 2012

News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo… 1 was caught watching tv… another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

The longest sentence known to man: “I do.”

CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this

Crime doesn’t pay…Does that mean my job is a crime?

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.

Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

Humour & Jokes

Take off

Comments Off 27 January 2012

At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. “If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software how many of you would disembark immediately?”

Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard.

With his team’s software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off

Humour & Jokes

Time Difference

Comments Off 26 January 2012

Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them “Ji could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas…”.

The man at the other end replies “One second sir…” and Laloo immediately replies “thank you” and puts the phone down.

Humour & Jokes

I

Comments Off 21 January 2012

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an “I”.
Student: I is the…
Teacher: Stop! Never put ‘is’ after an “I”. Always put ‘am’ after an “I”.
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet

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